Maynard's First Blog Post for Phoenix New Times

Maynard James Keenan, recently agreed to write a bi-weekly column for Phoenix New Times' "Up On The Sun," that we briefly discussed on our Sunday night show Visions From the Darkside. This week he debuted his first rantings in this new forum, and like most of his other ventures, did a pretty good job with it.

Titled "These Are The End of Days", the musician discusses his winemaking and offers offering advice to those who believe in the Mayan calendar's promise of a 2012 apocalypse.

"The inherent problem with being a Chicken Little-type person is that if or when the sky ever falls, I'll be too flattened to snip 'See? I told ya so!' And although I live near Sedona, I possess no crystal ball, and any Tarot cards I may have owned have certainly all been shredded in the spokes of my long retired banana seat Huffy." 

"These are in fact the 'End of Days' and people need to know about it As Soon As Possible! Obviously the only rational thing to do is to clear out all of your bank accounts and send me a cashier's check for the full amount … along with that cashiers check, I'm gonna need [for] you to go ahead and send along a detailed list of all your assets, toys, deeds, to any real estate, patents pending, etc. Please include high resolution photos. I can't be bothered to Google image each and every one of them. Not enough time."

I am sure at some point more controversial topics will arise, and for that I cannot wait. I expect no less from the charismatic frontman, so if he doesn't deliver we know he is phoning it in.